Tesla Kidder
Fictional Character
"Father of the Groom"
Set in OTL
Type of Appearance: Direct POV
Nationality: United States
Date of Birth: Mid 20th century
Occupation: Mad Scientist, Physicist, Inventor
Spouse: Kathy Kidder
Children: Archimedes Kidder

Professor Tesla Kidder was a mad scientist. It wasn't due to his first name nor to his physical appearance (although both were suggestive). Instead, it was due to some of his inventions although his interest have shifted in recent years from physics to DNA and genetic engineering.

Tesla Kidder resided in Tarzana with his wife Kathy and his son Archimedes. He also had an assistant named Igor. Among Tesla Kidder's inventions were: the stop light, which plunged an area with a radius 1.378 miles around hi laboratory into absolute, impenetrable darkness, and was only halted when the battery ran out after a couple of hours; the room-temperature super conductor; his motion censor, which froze the traffic on the Ventura Freeway until a CHP officer told him to turn it off, and; the microcosmic green goddess. He'd grown more interested in DNA as his son's wedding drew near.[1]

His wife Kathy bred Weimaraners, proving that she was sufficiently mad to be happliy married to Tesla. Their son preferred the name Archie. He was the most normal member of the family, comparatively speaking.[2] Archie was engaged to a woman named Kate, who was finishing her MBA while Archie was doing research for his PhD.[3]

When Archie and Kate became engaged, Kate's family began planning the wedding, and Kate soon proved determined to micromanage her wedding. Conversely, the Kidder family was left with little to do, and Tesla Kidder in particular realized he was simply required to show up, and not much else. However, when he heard his niece Stacey, who was one of Kate's bridesmaids, say aloud that Kate was "going Bridezilla", Kidder decided that the metaphor was worthy of reification. Igor tried to convince talk Kidder out of it, but Kidder angrily insisted it was a good idea.[4]

The next day, Kidder hooked into the surveillance system of Northridge Mall to watch Kate, Stacey, and the other bridesmaids. He once again pondered the reification of the Bridezilla metaphor against Igor's counsel. When Igor suggested that Kidder should make sure whatever he did could not be traced back to him, Kidder revealed that he'd been working on a long-range genetic recodifier. After a quick test on a mouse, Kidder aimed it at Kate.[5]

Kidder's device was a success, turning Kate into a creature resembling Godzilla. Kate roared, shot fire out of her mouth, and sent the people in the mall running in terror. The media soon converged on the mall. Kidder watched events on TV, but Kathy called and ordered him to stop what he was doing and undo the damage. Archie called after Kathy hung up, and begged his father to stop, promising that Kate would no longer be a metaphorical Bridezilla after the ceremony. Kidder relented, and reversed Kate's transformation. For her part, Kate remembered little of what happened.[6]

The wedding was a success, and while Kate's family suspected that Kidder had something to do with Kate's transformation, they couldn't prove it. Kate's mom approached Kidder about it after the ceremony, but he assured her that he was too far away in his laboratory. She accepted that answer.[7]


  1. See, e.g., We Install and Other Stories, loc. 16-26, ebook.
  2. Ibid. 37.
  3. Ibid.
  4. Ibid., loc. 49-82.
  5. Ibid., loc. 105-128.
  6. Ibid. loc. 140-185.
  7. Ibid., loc. 185-196.