| T.G. Kahn | |
| Fictional Character | |
| "The Barbecue, the Movie, & Other Unfortunately Not So Relevant Material" Set in OTL | |
| Type of Appearance: | Direct POV |
| Nationality: | United States |
| Date of Birth: | c. 1956 |
| Occupation: | Technical writer |
| Parents: | Professor Kahn (father) |
| Spouse: | Unnamed ex-wife |
T.G. Kahn was named Temujin Genghis Kahn by his father, a professor of history specializing in the Mongol Empire, after the successful Khan of the Mongols. Due to the teasing he received as a child, he insisted on using only his initials and had done so since elementary school.
Kahn was in his early 30s with a Bachelor of Science in physics (a field as far from Mongol history as he could find) and working as a technical writer in Los Angeles. On July 16, 1986, he was working in his office, when his secretary buzzed to say he had a visitor. A man walked in and immediately prostrated himself in front of Kahn, with his forehead touching the floor.
The visitor was in his late 20s and looked vaguely Semitic. He had a Fu Manchu mustache and an unusual hairstyle. The top of his head was shaved along with a strip from ear to ear through the shaved top. The remaining hair was in long greasy braids. He was dressed in a heavy fur coat over leather trousers and boots, quite inappropriate for the hot Los Angeles weather. His belt had two scabbards, one for a knife the other for a curved sword.
At first Kahn thought the man was a graduate student of his father either preparing to ask for some favor or carrying out an elaborate prank. They spoke past each other in mutual incomprehension despite the perfect translation by the man's pangloss. Finally he rose from the floor and asked for the year which Kahn supplied. Immediately he began to curse and when he ran down he began to cry.
It turned out his name was Lasoporp Rof and he was a graduate student from some fifty to sixty thousand years in the future. His dissertation was to be on the expansion of the Mongol Empire during the Mid-Middle First Primitive Period so he received permission to use a time machine to travel back and observe Temujin, Genghis Khan. However, due to a temporal phase link drop, he arrived at the 20th century homing in on the mental vibrations of another Temujin Genghis Kahn.
Kahn suggested that he could do his dissertation on 20th century United States instead but Lasoporp petulantly said that he did not know anything about Late Middle First Primitive. Kahn offered to guide him. Lasoporp didn't think anything would come of it but agreed to accompany Kahn to his condo. They left Kahn's office and got into his car.
As they drove, Kahn had an idea. He drove to a Mongolian barbeque restaurant instead. He explained to Lasoporp that when he returned to his own time, he could at least describe the "authentic" Mongol feast he had in the First Primitive. For the first time since discovering his error, Lasoparop looked happy and said that he may gain some valuable knowledge after all.
After dinner, Kahn had another idea. He left Lasoporp in his car and went into a video store to rent a 1964 movie called Genghis Khan. After arriving in Kahn's condo, he explained what he had. At first Lasoporp was excited thinking it was a record of the Khan's life. Kahn explained that his society did not have time travel and so it was a drama based on the Khan's life. It proved to be nearly as satisfactory since Lasoporp was spellbound watching it. He thought so highly of it that he asked to view it a second time to fix the sense impressions in his memory. Kahn reluctantly agreed, thinking that watching the two-hour turkey was close to being cruel and unusual punishment.
After seeing the movie a second time, Lasoporp thanked Kahn profusely, kissed him on both cheeks and then on his mouth and then vanished suddenly and silently as a popped soap bubble.
During their journey, Lasoporp had used a technology of probability distortion to give them luck in traffic and other matters. Kahn figured some luck was still left over from this, and found a use for it.