Lasoporp Rof*
Fictional Character
"The Barbecue, the Movie, & Other Unfortunately Not So Relevant Material"
Set in OTL
Type of Appearance: Direct
Nationality: Unspecified
Date of Birth: Fifty to sixty thousand years AD
Occupation: Graduate student
*As in some present day cultures, "Lasoparop" is his surname but is said and written first followed by his given name "Rof".

Lasoporp Rof was a graduate student in ancientest history some fifty to sixty thousand years in the future. His dissertation was to be on the expansion of the Mongol Empire during the Mid-Middle First Primitive Period so he received permission to use a time machine to travel back and observe Temujin, Genghis Khan. However, due to a temporal phase link drop, he arrived in July 1986 at the Los Angeles office of another Temujin Genghis Kahn by mistake.

He entered T.G. Kahn's office and immediately prostrated himself in front of Kahn with his forehead touching the floor. He was in his late 20s and looked vaguely Semitic. He had a Fu Manchu mustache and an unusual hairstyle. The top of his head was shaved along with a strip from ear to ear through the shaved top. The remaining hair was in long greasy braids. He was dressed in a heavy fur coat over leather trousers and boots, quite inappropriate for the hot Los Angeles weather. His belt had two scabbards, one for a knife the other for a curved sword.

At first, Lasoporp did not realize his mistake and addressed Kahn as though he were the Emperor of the Mongols. He was surprised and puzzled when Kahn asked if Lasoporp was a grad student of his father's. He had not expected such a phrase to be on the lips of the Great Khan. He thought his pangloss was defective and asked if his words were being rendered in proper Mongol speech. Kahn answer that they were speaking English, a language Lasoporp thought he had heard of.

Eventually, it became clear that Lasoporp had missed his target by seven hundred years. He was to home in on the mental vibrations of the Khan but had been linked to the wrong one. He began to curse and then, when he ran down and realized his academic career was in jeopardy, began to cry.

Kahn suggested that he could do his dissertation on 20th century United States instead but Lasoporp petulantly said that he did not know anything about Late Middle First Primitive. Kahn offered to guide him. Lasoporp didn't think anything would come of it but agreed to accompany Kahn to his yurt. They left Kahn's office and got into his steed for the trip.

Instead they arrived at a Mongolian barbeque restaurant. Kahn explained that when Lasoporp returned to his own time, he could at least describe the authentic Mongol feast he had in the First Primitive. This cheered Lasoporp, since he thought he might gain some valuable knowledge after all.

After dinner, they went to Kahn's condo and he indicated he had a movie called Genghis Khan. At first Lasoporp was excited thinking it was a record of the Khan's life but Kahn explained that his society did not have time travel and so it was a drama. Lasoporp reminded himself he was in the First Primitive and so settled for that. It proved to be nearly as satisfactory and he was spellbound watching it. He asked for a second showing to fix the sense impressions in his memory. Kahn agreed.

After seeing the movie a second time, Lasoporp thanked Kahn profusely, kissed him on both cheeks, and then on his mouth and then vanished suddenly and silently as a popped soap bubble.

Literary comment[]

Lasoporp Rof spelled backwards is "for proposal", words which often come up in pieces of technical writing, the business in which T.G. Kahn works.