Jerome, often called J., is the fictionalized alter-ego of British author Jerome K. Jerome. He is one of the title characters of Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) (1889) and its sequel Three Men on the Bummel (1900), which are presented as non-fiction memoirs of the fictionalized Jerome.
Jerome in Three Men and...Stories[edit | edit source]
Jerome (J. to his friends) and his friends Harris and George had two encounters with the supernatural over a period of a year. While all three survived those encounters, it was only by luck; all three were certainly haunted afterwards.
The three encountered a vampire because Jerome mistook Professor Abraham van Helsing for Herr Slossen Boschen as they were leaving a London pub. While J. apologized, van Helsing was able to convince all three to accompany him on his quest against a vrkoslak. While J. and George were dubious, Harris seemed more thoughtful. J. nonetheless volunteered to bring his dog Montmorency, and van Helsing agreed, welcoming all the help he could get. After collecting the terrier, the group headed for Abney Park Cemetary.
As they walked to the cemetery, Harris confirmed that a vrkoslak was indeed a vampire. Van Helsing warned all three men that while they were on this hunt, they accept what their senses were showing them and act on them. Not long after they entered the cemetery, Montmorency slipped his leash with a snarl and ran off into the darkness. The group heard a terrifying screech and Montmorency returned to the group, licking his muzzle. J. assumed that Montmorency had killed a rat. However, under van Helsing's Döbereiner's lamp, the group found a dead man, naked, his throat torn out. Van Helsing explained that the man, whom he identified by the name Stivvings, had been in a rat form, a step on the path to vampirism, when Montmorency dispatched him. Van Helsing urged them on, congratulating J. for Montmorency's actions. J. was more disturbed.
After stalking the cemetery, the group finally came upon van Helsing's quarry, a particularly terrifying vampire. When it lunged at van Helsing, van Helsing shot it with a water pistol full of holy water. At van Helsing's urging the group tackled the vampire; J. and his friends held it while van Helsing stabbed it with a stiletto until he finally pierced its heart and it vanished in a puff of ashes and dust. When George commented that it was not the worst way to spend the "small hours", van Helsing applauded his English equanimity.
The three managed to avoid the supernatural for a year. In the meantime, J. placed a crucifix near his front door (even though he wasn't Catholic), and began placing garlic bulbs around his window (which he remembered to change every so often).
One afternoon the three decided to luncheon in Limehouse at a Chinese restaurant owned by one Lee Ho Fook. On the way, they asked a newsboy for directions. After pointing the way, the boy went back to hawking papers, announcing that an old woman had been mutilated the night before. The three followed the newsboy's directions and found the restaurant. They were greeted by the cook, Lee Ho Fook himself, who was of Chinese descent but spoke in an East End accent.
Shortly after they put their order in, another Englishman entered. Jerome observed he had a perfect hairstyle, but that his suit seemed to have come from some distant time. Jerome privately concluded he would not have liked to have met the newcomer's tailor.
The newcomer greeted Lee Ho Fook by name, and asked for a big dish of beef chow mein. Lee greeted the newcomer in turn, calling him "Mr. Warren". Warren also gave Lee one of the restaurant's menus, which he said he'd found in Soho.
The three ate their food, finding it delightful and unbearably spicy by turns. During the meal, George noticed that Mr. Warren had hair in the palms of his hands. When J. joked that he probably practiced the "solitary vice" to excess, Harris vaguely hinted that something else likely afflicted him, but didn't elaborate. Mr. Warren finished and left. The other three also finished theirs, paid, and concluded that they were glad to have tried it once, but doubted they'd come back. Harris directed them to a pub nearby, while the same newsboy compared the murder of the previous night to the killings of Jack the Ripper.
They left the pub after dark, and were relieved to see that the moon was full. George, who'd been dating a woman who worked as a computer at the Greenwich Observatory, informed his friends that it was a harvest moon. J. and Harris began to tease George, until they heard a woman scream from nearby. The three dashed into an alley, and found a wolf-man hybrid crouched over an unconscious woman. Upon seeing the three, it paused, giving Harris time to charge it and stab it with the ferrule of his umbrella. To the amazement of J. and George, Harris succeeded in killing the creature. It soon turned back into a man; all three recognized him as Mr. Warren from Lee Ho Fook's. Harris explained the ferrule was made of silver.
The would-be victim stood, and after speaking in either Polish or Russian, ran off when they couldn't respond. The three also decided to leave, knowing no one would ever believe their story. They encountered a plump man at the mouth of the alley, who asked if they'd heard a scream. They all denied hearing anything in unison as they hurried off.
Three days later, J. saw an item in the Times that one Warren Z. Wolfe had been found stabbed to death in an alley in Limehouse, and that robbery was the suspected motive. When he met with Harris and George, J. quickly realized that they'd already seen the item. Rather than discuss it further, Harris poured a drink and proposed a toast to Three Men well out of the supernatural. The other two drank to that.
As part of their resolution to avoid the "preternatural" the three sailed for New York City, then took a train to San Francisco, or more correctly, the train stopped in Oakland (a "much inferior place"), and then the three took a steamer across the bay to the city proper. After dropping their luggage at the Palace Hotel (which impressed them with their size and exasperated them with its American style designating floors), the three had a quick meal and went out into the city.
J noted nearly perfect climate and the mixed nature of the population. After seeing the sights, the three decided to visit Chinatown. George expressed some trepidation, given their last trip to a Chinatown, but Harris pointed out that they were not at risk to encounter either another werewolf nor a vampire. He conceded when he realized J and Harris were going without him. As they toured the alleys full of shops and stalls, they encountered a sasquatch, who introduced himself as Charlie Lewis. Harris was particularly excited to encounter a sasquatch as they were located in the far north of California and southern Oregon.
Lewis was similarly pleased by the opportunity to meet three Englishmen. Lewis explained he was in San Francisco to study law, a fact that surprised J. However, he completely understood when Lewis explained that his people needed lawyers to protect themselves from the encroaching little people. Lewis then took the three to lunch at a restaurant owned by a man named Ming, where they discussed Lewis's long term plans, which included politics. Lewis also realized he'd read J's book-a sore spot, as all of the American editions had been pirated. They took their leave of Lewis, remarking that he was someone to watch out for.
The three saw more sights, then stopped at the Cliff House for supper. They found Charlie Lewis again, where he worked as the bouncer. As the three drank, they watched a bald eagle steal a fish from a gull. When George remarked that it was just like an American bird to steal something someone else got through hard work, they were approached by a drunk local who demanded to know what George had said about the symbol of the country. George provoked him drunkard further. When three other Americans jumped to their feet, J and Harris did the same. However, before anything else could happen, Lewis intervened and kicked the drunk Americans out.
References[edit | edit source]
- Some Time Later: Fantastic Voyages Through Alternate Worlds, pgs. 13-17, TPB.
- Ibid., pgs. 17-19.
- Ibid., pgs. 20-22.
- Ibid. pgs. 22-24.
- Ibid., pgs 167-169.
- Ibid., pg. 169.
- Ibid., pg. 170.
- Ibid., pg. 171.
- Ibid., pgs. 172-173.
- Ibid., pg. 174.
- Ibid., pgs. 175-176.
- Ibid., pg. 177-178.
- Next Stop on the #13, ebook, loc. 3712.
- Ibid., loc. 3735.
- Ibid., loc. 3735-3784.
- Ibid., loc. 3784-3831.
- Ibid., loc. 3831.
- Ibid., loc. 3855-3903.
- Ibid., loc. 3903-3928.
- Ibid., loc. 3951.
- Ibid., loc. 3951-3998.